Few things compel us to the movies like music. Sure, it’s fun to watch fighter planes jet across the sunset sky or oiled-up hunks eating sand in a homoerotic volleyball game, but nothing compares to the melodic sounds of cinema. We recall the iconic anthems of Star Wars or Indiana Jones, the sweeping romance of Gone with the Wind’s ode to a (thankfully) bygone era, and the minimalism of Jaws and its great white horror. 

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But what about the actual songs? You know, with like, words and stuff. Those are great too, and both Top Gun and Top Gun: Maverick are full of them. Some choices were electrifying, others questionable. Some fit the melodramatic schmooze like a glove; others are too cringe for comfort. That is my purpose: help us sort through this mess to find the true victor among the Top Gun franchise’s musical madness.

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It’s easy to say, “This song is best,” and then award that number top prize, but we're talking about movie music. Do we play it like Maverick, defying convention with innumerable twists and turns, hurling monkey wrenches into the grand design of song battles? Do we pilot this craft like Iceman, chomping our teeth through a precise, tactical approach that honors tradition? 

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Nay, we do it the CANTY way.

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The Canty Method is one of the most hallowed scientific methodologies in the modern world. It adheres to a charcuterie board of principles: all important as individual components but crafted in perfect harmony to fulfill a profound purpose: me.

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It is essentially a flipped bird to what society tells us we have to do when pitting musical masterpieces against one another. So what if one song barely gets used, only emanating in a brief snippet from a barroom jukebox? So what if it doesn’t fit and serves no purpose? So what if we have no idea why Maverick is belting “Great Balls of Fire” with Meg Ryan, the guy from ER, and a woman whose lack of chemistry with Cruise makes a ton of sense in retrospect (and in more ways than one). The only thing that matters is the MUSIC (except for the impact on the movie, which factors in whenever I wish and to whatever degree I determine).

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I know what you’re thinking: “Citizen Can’t, you’re only doing this to justify picking a song win that shouldn’t win because you’re contrarian." Nope. As a matter of fact, how about this?

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The song you’re expecting to win is GOING to win. I’m serious. I swear, All-4-One style.

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Yes, this is a musical war dependent on the quality of the song and its significance in the movies. Yes, gut instinct shall get followed, occasionally at the risk of seeming sensible. The method may not be “correct,” but guess what? FIGHT THE POWER! 

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So to the depths with you, whoever made one of these and carved the rules in stone. I’m the song battle captain now, and I feel the need… the need for… crap, nothing rhymes. 

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So, without further adieu, I present the ULTIMATE, OMEGA, TOP GUN SONG BATTLE!

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Dogfight 1: Playing with the Boys (Top Gun, performed by Kenny Loggins) vs. Hold My Hand (Top Gun: Maverick, performed by Lady Gaga)

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Okay, may as well come out with it: men are the jam of this writer; resisting shirtless jean-clad hunks doused in oil is nearly impossible. When I hear Loggins whipping through his 80s ode to overworked bodies and strange anticipations, I cannot help but recall my sexual awakening and think about, well, how bad Top Gun is, but in the BEST way. It’s everything the original earned our love for being: corny, inexplicable, bizarre, and awe-inspiring.

On the other hand, Gaga has really turned it around for herself. Remember 2013, when she and Katy Perry released “Applause” and “Roar” around the same time, and we thought Perry had solidified herself as the songstress with staying power? Of course, that take aged like Top Gun. However, we must ask: does “Hold My Hand” justify her continued supremacy over Hollywood? I mean, she says “Hold My Hand” a lot. Still, after all the incredible action and emotional high notes Top Gun: Maverick offered, it feels fitting: rousing, potent, but not so bombastic your eyes roll into the back of your head.

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Winner: "Hold My Hand"

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Dogfight 2: “Danger Zone” (Top Gun, performed by Kenny Loggins) vs. Heaven In Your Eyes (Top Gun: Maverick, performed by Loverboy)

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Okay, gotta confess: “Danger Zone” is not that great. There is something deliciously 80s about it, and thus it was cool in 1986. In 2022, not so much. Alas, this is Top Gun we’re talking about, so even though the song never matches the ambition with which Loggins sings it, you can’t listen to it without instantly feeling yourself in the cockpit of an F-14 or recalling that peculiar music video. You almost sing it more with a snicker than anything else, but that’s okay. It’s the lead-in for some pretty bonkers sequences, which is a fantastic excuse to mention the beach volleyball scene again.

Across the court lies “Heaven in Your Eyes,” which… yeah.

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Winner: "Danger Zone"

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Dogfight 3: “Great Balls of Fire” (Both movies, performed by many people) vs. “Won’t Get Fooled Again” (Top Gun: Maverick, performed by The Who)

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It’s so Top Gun to have people randomly belting out a Jerry Lee Lewis number around a piano. We can’t thank it enough for paving the way for every pointless musical scene for the last 36 years. “Great Balls of Fire” isn’t an easy song to love on its own; it sure was swingin’ in the 50s, but it sounds messy today. Lewis is very much the homeless man’s Elvis, and we can’t help but wonder what type of girl the song describes. Split the difference. It’s corny Top Gun at its finest, and whether the song itself is anything to write home about, it fits the moment like a glove.

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On the flipside, Won’t Get Fooled Again only fits its moment conceptually. It’s a training exercise where Maverick shows up the young guns, so it’s not a stretch to say a classic rock number from his (and much of the audience’s) youth was the way to go. You can’t help but smile the millisecond you hear those iconic opening keyboard riffs, and besides, we’re flying sky-high: what’s wrong with some fun?

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Winner: "Won't Get Fooled Again"

Dogfight 4: You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ (Top Gun, in the drunken stylings of the Top Gun choir) vs "Take My Breath Away" (Top Gun, performed by Berlin)

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On the 80s cheesy cringe scale, the “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” scene takes the cake. You can feel it coming while Goose helps Maverick rope Charlie into an ill-advised drink. You wonder, “No, they aren’t… they won’t… please no…” and then it happens: the off-key singing, the incorrectly-timed hand-lending from the surrounding drunken Navy brats, the strained faces of Kelly McGillis as she wonders...

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We’ve heard better renditions, but none worth revisiting quite like this bizarre sequence that serves as an homage to Tony Scott and the thrilling aerial sequences.

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On the other hand, “Take My Breath Away” is amazingly dated. Short of Kim Carnes, it’s hard to argue any song mastered 80s synth like Berlin’s rousing romantic ballad, played over one of the film’s most ludicrous sequences: Charlie’s ridiculous speech followed by the blue-lit lovemaking of two people who have no business being together (and one of whom, considering his selfish, cavalier approach to risking people’s lives, is probably terrible in the sack). It won the Oscar, which means nothing in light of the ghastly choices they’ve made in that category over the years. Although, unlike many of its partners in victory, it deserved it.

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Winner: "Take My Breath Away"

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Dogfight 1: “Danger Zone” vs. “Hold My Hand”

This one is a toughie. “Hold My Hand” nails the essence of an iconic end-credits ballad, in the same league as “My Heart Will Go On” and “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” Will it ultimately reach that level of reverence/retrospective loathing? No. It’s not memorable enough for the former or divisive enough for the latter. It’s easy, breezy, and timeless; that makes it a better song than “Danger Zone,” but does it make it the better Top Gun number?

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It’s the kind of question you’d consult a magic 8 ball to answer. Sadly, mine perished in the Great Crash Team Racing Temper Tantrum of 2004, so my gut will have to do. Props to Gaga, but for all of “Danger Zone’s” faults, it’s one hell of an opening number that does more for the original than “Hold My Hand” does for its neatly-wrapped, pseudo-romantic conclusion.

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Winner: "Danger Zone"

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Dogfight 2: “Won’t Get Fooled Again” vs. “Take My Breath Away”

You can’t beat The Who (unless you’re this band, or this one, or this one). Alas, it’s not about trumping the act, just the song. Few would contend “Take My Breath Away” is the better song, but 40 years from now, Gen-Z will not remember “Won’t Get Fooled Again” for its moment in the Top Gun sun the way Gen-X recalls “Take My Breath Away.” Is that an excuse to put my preferred song in the finale? Yes. Is it also true? Yes.

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Winner: "Take My Breath Away"

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Final Dogfight: “Danger Zone” vs. “Take My Breath Away”

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It was always going to come down to this, and it’s a more difficult decision than one would think. We can argue gender politics, but let’s be honest: Top Gun is a man’s movie. Women enjoyed it too, but they were not the target audience. “Danger Zone” is the ultimate leather-jacket wearing, sunglasses-donning, need for speed anthem. Not a Gen-X guy in the room won’t feel the blood pumping or spine-tingling when it plays, and with good reason. It’s not perfect, but neither is Top Gun; it’s a match made in heaven in every conceivable way.

Still, we cannot ignore the cultural impact of “Take My Breath Away,” which has been played, referenced, and parodied to death. Its popularity is such that its legacy nearly transcends the movie; few film songs become a thing unto themselves. In fairness, Cruise and McGillis’ love scene is one of the 80's most iconic moments, and it wouldn’t be what it was without the song. It boils down to which one has bolstered the legacy of Top Gun more, and thus we must ask which reigns supreme: the target audience or the audience at large. That debate will rage forever, but this article has an answer:

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Winner: "Take My Breath Away"